So.

So before this trip to Canada everybody was telling me "Hey at least you're going somewhere." or "Canada's nice!" So I figured: Hey, maybe I'll try to enjoy it this time, I can't do anything about it right. Well no, I could have done something about it, I just didn't. Naturally, I only blog when I'm angry enough to be able to think of something to write about, so I'm here to tell you that you were all fucking wrong and this place bites so much cock that fireants-down-underwear doesn't even come close.

Okay, the people here are great, they're friendly and helpful and whatever; just that the act of being in this country somehow gives God reason to have a personal vendetta against me. Every day that I'm here something worse happens to me; i've only been here for 3 days and I have the strongest urge to off somebody. I'm not discouraging you from taking a vacation in this country, it's a fucking nice place, just that the only way you're getting me back here is threatening to cut my balls off with a rusty spoon.

it's not enough that i miss caroling, JCPBF and christmas dinner for sitting on my frozen ass blogging at 3 am local time, no; I have to stumble upon one of my mom's emails that sends me down depression lane and lose 20 bucks to a royal flush in poker.

A bleeding royal flush, do you know what the odds of getting a royal flush are? 1 in 649 000. If that doesn't seem like much to you - I'd have 169 times the odds of impregnating somebody on birth control pills while using a condom.

I'm more likely to die from a catastrophic asteroid strike.

A woman would have a higher chance of not being molested on the Tokyo subway in a public carriage.

God hates me. You see where optimism gets you? Canada. Optimism gets you in Canada - frozen, pissed off and missing Christmas dinner.